390) Problem: She feels she is doing the lion’s share of the housework.
Solution: Set up a schedule or system so that each of you knows exactly what is expected of you in terms of household chores. For example, perhaps you’re in charge of collecting the recycling and taking out the garbage, and she is in charge of the laundry and the kitchen. If there really is just too much to do, it may be worth your while to pay for a maid service to come clean your house on a weekly or monthly basis.
391) Problem: She wants to get closer before you have sex, and you just want to get right into the deed.
Solution: Women, as I’ve already said, tend to need intimacy as a way to get aroused, while men prefer to get straight to it. Well, one easy way to reconcile this difference is to talk to her about why you want to skip to the main course. If you’re like most men, sex is a way for you to feel close to your lover—intercourse itself is a very intimate act. Explain this to your girl. Chances are, merely opening up to her is going to get her to melt a little.
392) Problem: You want to hang out with your friends or go golfing, but she doesn’t want you to.
Solution: Remember that having separate interests and friends is important to a healthy marriage. Encourage your wife to go out with her friends, too. Remind her that she should explore her interests and maintain her own hobbies. Be sure to tell her, also, that at the end of the day you don’t want to be with anyone but her. Make a promise to meet up at the end of the day to talk about what you’ve both been up to.
393) Problem: Your sex life is in a rut.
Solution: Ignoring the problem or—even worse—seeking sex outside the marriage is not a way to fix it. You’ve got to talk about the routine you’ve gotten into and make a commitment to getting out of the rut. Use the sex tips in this guide to help spice things up. You’ll be feeling like teenagers in no time.
394) Problem: You know each other so well it’s gotten dull.
Solution: Make it a point to explore outside interests separately, so that you both have lots to tell each other about when you’re together. Cultivating new hobbies together can also be a great way out of this problem, because you’ll both enjoy learning things together.
395) Problem: You fight all the time.
Solution: Take a deep breath and evaluate the sorts of things you are fighting about. If she’s made about a little details, like who left the sock on the floor or the dirty dish in the sink, try to remember that it doesn’t have to escalate into a huge blow-out. Apologize and then remember to clean up after yourself better in future. Or, you can gently remind her that a singe sock or dish is not worth getting so worked up over. Tell her that you want to take care of the rest of the cleaning and that you want her to go relax and take a bath.
If you’re constantly having bigger fights about larger problems in the marriage—like lack of trust, communication, or intimacy—you might want to consider seeing a couples’ counselor. This will allow you to air your grievances in a safe way, with an objective third party who can help you assess precisely what is wrong and how to fix it.
396) Problem: You don’t have enough time to spend with one another.
Solution: If you are really committed, you need to make time, and it CAN be done. We all spend time doing things we don’t really need to do, and by identifying these unnecessary activities we can free up time for the more important things in life. For example, if you watch TV every weeknight for an hour, that’s five hours per week of wasted time. Turn off the TV and get your girl out of the house. Go for coffee and conversation, or take a walk around the block. Or maybe you spend a lot of time online, checking email and surfing the internet. Well, just turn off your computer and interact with her face-to-face!
397) Problem: You don’t have much to say to one another.
Solution: This is one of those subjects that inevitably comes up for most long-term relationships. What happens when you run out of things to talk about? Well, as long as you both pursue your own hobbies and interests you should always have plenty to discuss. So go out, take part in fun activities—both as a couple and on your own—and stay active.
398) Problem: She is not getting satisfied in the bedroom.
Solution: Most of us know that it is biologically harder for a woman to reach sexual climax than it is for a man, and this is an often contentious part of long relationships—especially when the sex has gotten less exciting. But one of the huge benefits of being with someone for a long time is that you become very comfortable together, and you feel free to discuss things that might otherwise be embarrassing. Talk frankly with your lover about what feels good for her, and what you could do to make her feel even better. Read books on sexual techniques together and feel free to experiment. You could even set aside a night that is all about her tell her you’re not interested in your own orgasm, you’re only interested in understanding what turns her on.
399) Problem: You (or she) is feeling the seven-year itch—or seven month itch, or seven-week itch….
Solution: Oftentimes we start looking around at other people when we are dissatisfied with the quality of our own relationship. But remember, relationship problems can be fixed. And even more important, keep in mind that ALL relationships, even the best, strongest ones, have problems at some point. Try out the techniques in this book and give it all your best shot. When your own relationship kicks back into high gear, you’ll probably find yourself paying a lot more attention to your girl.